Thursday, February 23, 2006

Relevance

It's not the only way to go
but it's the only way I know
I keep on struggling for the answers
Believeing it's something I can't handle

I want to be free
Like a pheonix from the ashes that are me
I want to see the forest for the trees
Believe there's something to a dream
But could that be?

So I've broken my heart in two
One for me, and one for you
But I've run out of breath so
take this one I have left and
Tell me you love me


(this is an excerpt from a song I wrote over 2 years ago. I only put it up because of it's current relevance in my life)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

What's Wrong?

I am everything that is wrong with the world...

...I am conceit

...I am greed

...I am a thirst for power

... I am rage

...I am love

...I am smoking a cigarette after I brushed my teeth

...I am lust

...I am inspired

...I am too forgiving

...I am not humble

...I am uncaring of your problems

...I am inexplicably attractive

...I am out of shape

...I am unable to to shut the fuck up!

...I am still here

Burning For You

I'm not going to lie

This is going to hurt

It's going to hurt alot

We start fires with our passion.
We fuel these flames with our love.
We build pyres of flame for all to see.
And with reckless abandon we spread our flames, for what is Love if not reckless abandon?
We surround ourselves in flames, sealing ourselves in. Keeping them out. Keeping us warm.
Never thinking of a day when we might need to get out.
And the flames grow. Joined by the fires of rage.
Stoked by the spears of doubt. Colored by the fuels of pain.
These walls like a nova, have become a cell.
It's time to go, but there is no way out.
No way but through.

And it's going to hurt.

And it's going to leave scars.

And I can't tell you how to leave. Perhaps quickly, with a desperate leap.
Spitting venom in the hopes that it will douse the flames that will lick your skin.
Maybe slowly. With carefull thought and contemplation. Regardless,

it's gonna hurt.

It's gonna hurt alot.

I know, because I wait.

I wait....not outside....not inside....but in between

Smoldering.

Still burning...

For you.



It's time to go.

And Im not going to lie.

This is going to hurt

Friday, February 17, 2006

a little help

(ooc)
Im having trouble navigating this vast blog-o-sphere for anything that I like or that might be relative to what I'm doing with my site. If any visitors know of any please send me a link. I'll check it out and maybe link to it on my page

The Absurd

It wasn't right the 1st time, and it's not getting any better
"To put it simply" is never simple, and I have come to dread
.....all words
.....all smiles
.....all promises
Trust only in pain, for it never lies.
Don't trust the tears or the one who cries
Don't trust the love or the bond that dies
Don't trust the fear
It has left you here, and it's not getting any better
She'll hold on forever if I let her
But it wasn't right the 1st time
Forget the 2nd and move on to the absurd
Write it off as a mistake and take you on your word
But it's not geting any better
She wants to stay, but I won't let her
I want to play and not regret
the words I dread
A night in bed
An aching head
It isn't right
And it's not getting any better.....

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Pay the Piper

There once was a Lord with no taste
Who thought paying me was a waste
When my services came due
He told me to "Go chew"
So I smiled and bit off his face


Always pay your debts, and do it willingly. For you will pay one way or the other. With your money, or your children, or your face. There is no shame in having debts, but there is no quarter for those who do not repay that which is owed. And don't be fooled by the belief that you are bigger and stronger then your debtor. Remember the man with the flute....

And it was nice to have some sport while I await the coming storm.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Chewing on fat.....

My neck is tight. I can feel my muscles atrophy. This is no time of peace, how can there be so little to do? It seems this is the battle of attrition. I am holed up in my darkness, breathing only this rank air, and chewing on fat. I gain no strength from it, but it keeps me alive. Can you feel it? The tension in the air? The feeling like it's all going to coming crashing down, exploding in a hellfire that will consume us. The dead silence that is my life sounds like screaming. My hands hurt like I've been tearing at the walls that keep me in. Let it begin! I've been sleeping for too long. And this fat has grown rancid. My neck is tight. Can you feel it? Of course not. This is my hell......